Monty Python and the Holy Grail:Unnecessary Sequel
by LuckyDuck932
Summary: It s totally unecessary, but it shall be told! Rated T for saftey purposes.Read and Review!
1. The Start

_**Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Unnecessary Sequel **_

_**A Holy Grail/SPAMalot/Arthurian Ledged fanfic thingy written by TheBlueFairy1940**_

_**Comedy/Romance**_

_**Rated PG-13 for comedic violence, slight language, homosexuality, and Galahad. **_

_**Special thanks to:**_

_**Those loony Pythons, my dear friends who first viewed the prologue and my lovely family who had to put up with me talking about this thing for the last three months!**_

_**Prologue**_

_**England- 935 A.D.**_

Epic music swells in the back ground as a young woman, somewhere in her teens, with a head full of frizzy brown curls walks onto an illuminated stage. She is clad in a deep green medieval dress that she picked up at her local Renaissance feast for about triple the price she could have received it on the internet. Nervously, she comes close towards the microphone, sweating a bit as if she is scared in speaking, and taps it twice.

"Uhh?" she stutters uncomfortably. She fiddles with a loose lock of hair that fell from the circlet that was holding her hair like a headband. "Is this thing working? Testing, testing? Yep, it is." Clearing her throat, the narrator begins her speech, at first with little confidence in herself that gradually grew as she spoke.

** "**England 'twas a kingdom divided in such times. Sickness, famine, and sheer bickering about who took who`s filth or worthless piece of crusty bread plagued the land. But nearly three years before-hand a hero had risen through the muck to unite the people through the chaos. His name was King Arthur and with the aid of the ever faithful Knights of the Round Table, he was sent on a quest by God himself to find the Holy Grail. However just before tearing apart the castle where those moronic French knights were said to keep the Grail with a rather epic army behind him, he was arrested for a crime he did not commit. However, knownest to me but unbeknownst to them, help comes in the strangest of forms…"

Just as she tries to finish her introduction, a very angry looking King Arthur comes through the curtains and storms on stage where the narrator is giving the opening speech. "STOP THIS FANFICTION!" he cries and the narrator turns around, only to release an annoyed groan."What do you want Arthur?" she tersely asks. "I`m giving the readers the backdrop for the story".

"This is rather pointless." the King said motioning to the entire set for the introduction. "Everyone who`s going to read this will have either seen the movie a million times, read the Book of The Movie, or seen the lovingly ripped off musical. You might as well just get on with the story... But wait! This entire story is unnecessary!"

"Of course it is! It`s the Unnecessary Sequel!" she tells him, motioning to the entire room.

"Then why are you writing it?" the king asks crudely, crossing his arms to show that he has proven a point. "Everyone knows that sequels are ALWAYS poorly constructed in plot and direction! And fan- fictions are worse!"

"Arthur could you please be quiet? I need to finish the prologue…"she said. 

"They`re written by fan girls who have WAY too much time on their hands!"said the king.

"…Please shut up" meekly ordered the narrator

"There is no focus, no point, character are almost ALWAYS out of character, straight characters gay thinking that it`s "hot". . ."continued the king.

"SHUT UP!" The narrator nearly screams, and the King is silent somewhat appalled that a person of that young of an age, especially a WOMAN is telling him to be quiet. "Listen, this is a story that NEEDS to be told, thus I am writing it. But there`s a happy ending . . ."

A pleased smirk grows on the king's face as he asks "So we do find the Grail?"

The narrator sighs before reluctantly responding "Yes… "Inside, she mentally slaps herself for not placing a Spoiler Alert on this conversation.

Arthur is thrilled and unexpectedly throws up his arms and shouts like a medieval cheerleader "HUZZAH! an..." he adds with a devious little smirk, "Do I happen to find my queen?"

Shyly, afraid of giving away any more secrets, the narrator replies "Maybe…" Just then, a head of blonde curls pokes out through the red velvet curtains, curious eyes looking bewildered.

"Well, what the bloody hell are we doing just conversing?" King Arthur asked, more excited than ever "Let`s start the fan fiction!"

Suddenly the red velvet curtains thrashes open as a Prince who would be easily mistaken for a woman if you did not have prior knowledge, comes rushing on the stage humming the addictingly sweet tune of "Where Are You?" He stops his singing and with an extremely feminine and Falsetto voice he asks sweetly, "Oh did I hear that there is to be a Happy Ending?"

Once more the narrator sighs."Ugh. You heard well Herbert"  
>"Does this mean that Lancelot and I marry?" he asks with bright chipper eyes, waiting for a response.<p>

The narrator freezes, remembering the medieval history that was lessons drilled into her brain, and she meekly says "I`m sorry to break this to you Herbert, but … uh… it really isn`t historically accurate…. If you did you`d faces… uh consequences…."The prince`s eyes grew larger and he suddenly bursts into tears.

Sir Lancelot comes flying from behind stage to his love`s side and wraps him in an embrace, comforting him and rubbing Prince Herbert`s back. "You shut your noise Narrator!"He barked, breaking from Herbert and drawing a sword from his scabarard and he pointed it at the narrator "I have half a mind to…"

** "**Okay! Okay!" the narrator cowered in fear, recalling how dangerous and homicidal Lancelot could get with weaponry. "Geez, I`m going to force the History Buff in me to go hide and you guys can get married . . ." she said.

However, the narrator cannot finish her promise as once again the curtains thrash. This time, instead of a fragile, meek, and hopelessly romantic prince, there appears a heavy set woman wearing a tight corset that only accentuates her "_huge tract of land". _She angrily comes onto stage. Everyone swears that the ground is shaken by her walking. It is Princess Lucky and she grabs the narrators' arm and forces her to make eye contact.

"HOLD IT!" she cries, "What about me? Don`t I get married too? My father is dead and I can`t run those huge tracts of land by myself!"

"Uhh. . ." the narrator stutters as she thinks this over. "I didn`t even think of including you in this fan fiction. But if you really want a Prince I`m sure I can score you one . . ."she claims.

Princess Lucky then let's go of the narrator and began to picture what her prince will be like. "A dashingly sexy one!" she mused with a dreamy voice. "One wears manly tights and has sparkling blue eyes! Oh and one who has a great sense of humor and likes long walks on the beach and also…"

"Lucky I don`t know if I can get you a perfect guy like that," The narrator said, "I can`t even get a boyfriend for myself. I don`t know how I can get . . ."she drifted off.

The curtains then parted much wider than before and the entire cast of the Holy Grail came storming onto the stage, accompanied by the deafening sound of bickering.

The French taunters in their obscenely short uniforms, came up to the bemused narrator and, in their OUTRAGEOUS French accents stated, "We want to have some can-can girls to rub it into those silly English knights' faces and also we want….a bigger catapult!"

"What?" the horrified narrator gasped. "What the heck are you gonna fire at them this time?"

The French responded proudly, "An elephant!"

"What?" the narrator said, "How did you get your grubby paws on … Never mind?"

The Knights who say Ni spun the narrator to make their demand. "WE WANT…. ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!"

"Okay… at least I can do that… I think." The narrator said. "If Rodger isn`t too busy…"

The-Man-Who- Offered-A-Not-Dead- Guy- To-The- Dead- Collector-In-Scenes-Two grabs the narrators' arms, turns back through the curtains and drags Not-Dead-Fred (who is insisting he`s still not dead) on stage. "I just want this guy to die!"

"I just want you to take some anger- management classes…" the narrator shot back.

Soon, the entire cast of Holy Grail, the yelling and making loud demands enclosed the helpless Narrator in a small circle. The frightened Narrator is nearly freaking out, exclaimed, "What did I get myself into?"


	2. Chapter 1

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Unnecessary Sequel  
>A Holy GrailSPAMalot/Arthurian Ledged fanfic thingy written by TheBlueFairy1940  
>ComedyRomance  
>Rated PG-13 for comedic violence, slight language, homosexuality, and Galahad.<p>

Chapter One

The cell door slammed with a loud bang, which only emphasized the fact that the men were imprisoned. Behind the bars stood King Arthur, his trusty and ever faithful servant Patsy, the strangely flatulent Sir Bedevere, and the homicidally brave Sir Lancelot, each looking horrified. "You cannot do this to us!" the exasperated king nearly screamed. Since being dragged off to prison, King Arthur's temper hadn't cooled, but instead had swelled. "Do you even understand who I am? I am Arthur, King of the Britians!"

The snarky guard smiling as he locked the door, said "You're King of the Crazies, that's who you are." The king drew back a breath, outraged by this disrespectful comment. "How dare you, filthy peasant! I am your King and I deserve the ut-most respect! You…"

"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge," the guard mocked, turning the other direction. " Listen now, you get one phone call each…"

An awkward silence followed. Then Bedevere piped up, "What are these 'phones' you speak of?" The guard quickly spun around in place to see the confused looks on all four heavily armored men. "You don't know what… oh never mind. Then what do you use to communicate?" he asked.

"Messenger pigeons," Bedevere explained. The guard looked them over once more, and nodded to say he understood. He casually walked away, without any reply about the pigeons.  
>"Oh, this is a disaster!" Arthur sighed as he sank onto one of the bunk-bed cots, which had the scent of spoiled milk wafting from it and felt as hard as a slab of rock.<p>

The king didn`t know what was going on when he, Bedevere and Patsy had been slammed into the strange black vehicle that had whisked them away to the prison. He tried to remain composure, but upon hearing why they where sentenced, his anger grew. He had done nothing of the sort! None of his knights had even been in that area when the crime had happened. Why would they be convicted?

Luckily, they had met up with Sir Lancelot (who had been carted off before them) while they were being frisked and searched. The knight was just as clueless, if not more. After they had been frisked and removed of all possible hazards to others, all of their weaponry had been confiscated, along with Patsy`s gigantic pack. Finally, before being lead to the cell, each of them had to have a mug shot taken.  
>"Oh, cheer up sire!" Patsy encouraged as he took a seat on the bed as well. "Look on the bright side! It could be worse…"<p>

"Yeah," Lancelot agreed. He and Bedevere walked over to the other bed and sat on the bottom bunk. Bedevere hit his head against the top frame, but he showed no pain for his outrageous helmet had served its purpose. "We could be in the mental ward." said Lancelot.

Arthur sighed, and said "We were so close to finding the grail! It was in our reach! It was…" His pity party was broken by the guard returning with a crate filled with indistinct cooing noises and fluffy feathers. "Here you go one pigeon each. Just write your letter and we'll send it out." The amused guard was nearly bursting trying to hold back his laughter.

Bedevere got off the bed and curiously picked up one pigeon from the crate and thoroughly examined it. "I wonder if the standard carrier pigeon follows the same principle for air speed velocity as the swallow," the Knight mused. He at once stole one half of Patsy's coconuts and found some loose twine on the floor to attach it to the bird.

"Quit playing around, Bedevere," King Arthur hissed. "We have a chance to get in contact with somebody from Camelot to rescue us…"'

"HERBERT!" Lancelot suddenly cried. However, the 'Eureka moment' was so immense that he jumped and bumped his head causing him much pain.

"Who's Herbert?" the three un-knowing knights asked staring directly at the muscular knight who through the pain had a dazed look on his face. "He's a Prince I had tried to rescue while on my singular quest for the grail," Lancelot answered, the others still clueless. "If he knew that I was imprisoned, he would surely come and bail us out!"

Lancelot, as fast as his poorly educated mind allowed, scribbled out a letter to Herbert on a spare piece of parchment. He tied it to the bird and sent it to Swamp Castle. "Now we wait," he proclaimed, taking his spot on the bottom bunk.

"How long do you think it will take, Sir Lancelot?" King Arthur asked, while using Patsy's back as a writing desk to write his note to an influential friend from Camelot. "Patsy, do not move- the ink is spotting everywhere."  
>"Sorry, sire," the servant said, straightening his back stiffer. He had grown used to being King Arthur's makeshift furniture before. A chair, a footstool, a side table, a pillow. There was almost no piece of furniture that he hadn't become.<p>

"Lunch time you brutes!" A voice called, and they all looked up to see that it was a guard coming around, taking prisoners to the mess hall for the mid-day meal. "Oh thank god!" Bedevere praised as he left his exhausted bird and the coconuts. "I am famished, my liege," he informed the king as they departed their stall.

"You could use to skip a few meals," Lancelot muttered to himself, although everyone heard and Sir Bedevere gave a sharp glance from under the covering of his helmet.  
>"I do hope that it is lamb," Bedevere said dreamily. "Or perhaps a boar. I wouldn't mind ham ether. Perhaps it shall be served with porridge in a bread bowl. With turnips in it-that would make my day better! Oh! What about pigeon pie? You know that they made the best pigeon I have ever sampled at Camelot? The pie crust was flakey and the meat and sauce inside was savory…"<br>"Oh shut up!" Arthur hissed to the knight as they rounded the corner to the mess hall.

And by the minute they set foot in the hall, their hunger weakened. It smelt of floor wax, damp socks, cigarette smoke, and sweaty men. All through the hall, long white plastic picnic tables and grey-wood benches stood with prisoners clad in orange jumpsuits sitting on them, laughing and talking. On the far end, the knights could see a buffet and a monstrous line of people waiting. From the looks of the mess hall, they didn't think dinner would be any better as they got into the long line.

"Dude!" Someone cried. It was a prisoner, with long, greasy hair that hung in tangled knots, a bit of a scruffy beard, and blood-shot eyes. He was beside another equally zonked prisoner, pointing at the four knights. "Check out the duds they're wearing! Why don't we get threads like that?"

"I know, dude," the other said, with an approving nod. "Yo dogs! Where did you pick up those threads?"

"Do you mean our tabards?" Pasty asked.

"Not yours. Yours is covered with shit. I mean the psychedelic armor on those guys!" he replied sharply, filled with admiration for the suit of armor. Patsy frowned at the comment, but then looked down at his beaten, torn up, and dirty tabard and sighed. That was all to true of being a servant.

"Well, we are knights, you see," Lancelot answered the druggies. "And we wear such clothing for protection while in battle."

"SWEET!" The druggies approved, giving two big thumbs up. "So you're like, for real knights? From the eighteen-hundreds and stuff?"

"Eighteen-hundreds?" King Arthur repeated. "Do you happen to know what year it is? Tis the year 935!"

"WOAH!" one of the prisoners cried, "Did we, like, go back in time?"

"Back in time?" King Arthur repeated again. "Good Lord, do you…? Never mind." And he quickly turned around to face the line, for it was moving up.

After what seemed an eternity, they made it to the front of the line. They each grabbed a puss-colored tray and set them down on the rack to skim in front of the noon-time meal options. Each knight was handed a turkey sandwich (at least they said it was turkey), a bit of coleslaw, a bag of corn chips, a slice of cheese and a carton of lemonade by a few beefy men wearing hairnets and frilly pink checkered aprons.  
>"Is this kosher?" Patsy asked quietly to the cook who was slapping sandwiches and coleslaw on plates. The cook simply shrugged. "You get what'cha get," the cook hissed, in an extremely annoyed tone.<p>

"Is this all?" Bedevere sighed with a frown, looking at his measly meal and recalling the splendor of the food at Camelot. One cook grunted unintelligibly and motioned his head to tell them to get a move on.

The knights turned to see that there was no table that was un-occupied. There was, however, some space in the middle of the dining hall and the decided to sit there. It was in between a few thugs, and the two druggies they came across. So the knights squeezed themselves into the available room on the bench, and began to at least try to enjoy their meal. "Hey fresh-meat!" one thug said, while turning Lancelot, who was stabbing his lemonade carton violently with his straw. "What'cha gets in the slammer for?"

"I was found with possession of Coke! They found it in my hiding place between the seats of my car…" The one druggie said, enthuastically waving his hand. "Was I talkin' to you?" The thug spat, ice-cold eyes glaring on the druggie. "No…," the druggie replied, and pulled back from the conversation. "Then shut your word-hole!"  
>"We honestly don't know ourselves," Lancelot responded, just as he took a sip of his drink. "BLECH!" He cried, spitting it back up. "This tastes like soap!"<p>

Patsy took a bit of his corn chips out of their bag and crunched on them. "Sire," he said, grimacing at the staleness of chips. "I think these …Whatever they are... have seen better days!"

"I don't feel all that terribly hungry," Bedevere announced, looking at the mystery meat between the two breads. "What is this, anyway? It looks like turkey, but tastes like beef." The fellow in-mates shrugged. "It's eatable, so eat it!" The thug replied, taking a disgustingly large bite of the sandwich, swigging it down with the lemonade.

King Arthur sighed and placed his head in his hands. "I don't know how anyone can look on the bright side of this."

Meanwhile in the prison's court yard, several prisoners were gambling over a stolen can of SPAM. A young bright man with azul hair and a goatee strode along with a guard. The only words to describe this place would be barren wasteland. The hedges of this courtyard were gasping for water, wilting away in the dusty ground, and the ones that were lucky to be still living grew in a wild, twisting manner. Grass was scarce, and the place seemed like a desert with pebbles and dust covering the ground. The few flowers that had been placed in an effort to beautify the place had become ex-flowers and ceased to exist. Not even weeds tried to peak through the soil. The yard was all in a very sorry state.

"Thank you for coming at such short notice, Rodger," the guard said as the two casually strolled down the dirt pathway. "It's my pleasure," the youth replied as the guard whacked the gambling prisoners on top of the noggins. "I saw your work in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Bloody brilliant," the guard resumed as he turned to Rodger. "That is why I have hired you to beautify this waste dump and make it an Eden."  
>"Why?" Rodger questioned. "I mean this is a prison, sir."<p>

"Well that's the problem," the guard responded. "The number of suicide attempts in the last few months has skyrocketed! So we reckoned that if you give them a nice court yard, they'll put an end to that. Prisoners… they're like animals in a zoo. You give them a pretty habitat, they'll pull through."

Lying through his teeth, Rodger nodded, saying, "I see. Well, I'll see what I can do with what you've given me." The azul-haired man turned to leave. Suddenly he heard, "Oh my lord! It's Rodger the Shrubber!" coming from a young, geeky-looking guard. Rodger smiled a bit, for he knew that making a shrubbery for King Arthur to give to those Knights of Ni had rapidly increased his popularity. Business was unexpectedly booming for a craze of nicely- designed shrubs. He was up to his neck in requests, but this prison promised to pay triple the amount. When he saw pictures of the place, Rodger thought he could do a whole lot of good. He always liked a challenge.

"Yes," he gave a wave to the admiring nerdy guard. "It is I." Oh, it was good to be popular. When Rodger turned to greet the fan he saw another guard shake his head and muttered a little too loudly, "This place is filled with FREAKS. First the psycho who thinks he's King Arthur and his band of merry weirdoes and now him."

Rodger froze as he repeated King Arthur's name. The man who had helped him succeed and rise above the shrubbing business was in prison? "Arthur is in jail?" Rodger exclaimed as he rushed towards the guards. "Yeah for killin' some historian while filming a special," the snarky guard replied.

"YOU MORONS!"Rodger seethed."King Arthur never killed the historian. Another knight did. Didn`t you watch the movie?"

"…Yeah," the guard said, interrupted by the azul-haired youth's rage. "Like a couple of years ago…" Rodger pulled the guard's arm dragging him to the main hall, "Well you're going to see it again…"

several police guards were surrounding a mini-television with a DVD plugged in, staring at the screen. The picture that played was of a gangly, thin-looking older man standing before the camera while rambling on about the movie's plot. "Wait for it," Rodger said, breaking the silence. Just then a knight on horseback flashed through the screen, cutting a sword right through the gentleman's neck.

Rodger pulled the remote from the table and pressed pause with extra emphasis. "Now, was that any of the men you have imprisoned?"

The guards shook their heads in unison. "Well, we screwed up…," one piped up. "Better let them off the hook." Rodger nodded approvingly.

While all seemed hopeless, the Knights of the Round Table sat on their mattresses in the prison cell. "Hey freaks of the Round Table," the guard hissed with laughter. "We're letting you go." You could have never imagined Arthur's eyes sparking so as he cried, "YOU ARE?" The King nearly squealed. Everyone stood and the knights all sighed with relief.

"Yeah," the guard responded pulling out the key. "We made a mistake and we hope you'll forgive us. Blah, blah, blah. Oh and is there someone named Lancelot here?"

"My name is Lancelot," a knight said in the background, raising his hand to make his presence known. He pushed his way past Bedevere and Arthur to reveal that he was the most muscular of the knights. "There's some… uh well, I think it`s a women dressed like a man. But I`m not sure. Well to put it simply, there is something here and they want to see you," the guard said, as he pulled open the door. Everyone followed him out. "HERBERT!" Lancelot squealed a little too loudly, his thick deep voice becoming squeaky. King Arthur raised an eyebrow as Lancelot corrected himself with much more masculinity in his voice. "I mean . . . that must be Herbert."

And indeed it was. For when they approached the room where they were to be released, they saw a young man, sitting on a rather uncomfortable bench in the comer. "LANCELOT!" He cried as he flew (yes, FLEW) to the knight.

The boy couldn't have been that old, he barely looked a day over twenty. He was dressed nicely in brown pants, a white cloth shirt, and heavy hunting boots. However, despite the masculine clothing, everything about the lad was feminine. His head was full of luscious blonde curls held up by a golden circlet and they looked like they had carefully set in place by a range of hair care products. His skin was an eerie blue-white, so pallid was it that it was unlikely that boy ever ventured outdoors. However, they swore that there was a bit of rouge that blushed his cheeks, and that he had applied a beauty mark on his left cheek with a makeup pencil. His pale skin sharply contrasted with his deep brown eyes that seemed to glow and sparkle on their own. And he smelt of lavender body wash.

"Herbert!"  
>"Lancelot!"<br>"Herbert. . ."  
>"Lancelot. . ."<br>"Oh Herbert, how did you get here so fast?"

"Lancelot, darling, haven't you noticed that this is a fan fiction? There are a terrible amount of inaccuracies in them..." ("You're telling me," said the Editor jokingly. The narrator turned with a scow and shushed the Editor for interrupting. ) Lancelot laughed a bit as he tucked a loose lock of golden curl behind Herbert's ear.

"Oh Lancelot, it's been so long," Herbert giggled as he wrapped Lancelot in a floral smelling embrace.

"HOLD IT!"

A teenage girl came storming into the room, wearing a nerdy plaid jacket, a pocket protector, loafers with knee high socks, and broken Coke-bottle glasses. She broke Herbert and Lancelot's embrace apart. The narrator groans tremdously, and leans besides King Arthur, whispering "I`ve seen this girl before. She`s called the History buff and all she does is go around and correct fanfictions when they don`t align with history or cannon."

"Put an end to this right now," stated the History Buff, in the middle of the two men. "This is EXTREMELY inaccurate of the middle Ages and I demand this to be fixed!"

"What do you mean?"The narrator asks coldly from the spot in the corner, where she is narrating.

"Well first of all, you're disregarding the original movie," The History buff said, placing her hands on her hips. "Because Prince Herbert was…uh…embarrassingly unattractive…"  
>"…Hey!" Herbert looked around for a possible reflective surface.<p>

"But the way you lengthily described him, he`s adorable," the History Buff continued, motioning to the violently flushed prince.

"He's based off of Tom Deckman," the narrator said. "And he was such a cutie!"

The other teenager's face was blank. "Who's Tom Deckman?" The narrator rolled her eyes; obviously, she had heard this reply before. Alas, nobody had relatively heard of this underrated Broadway actor who portrayed Herbert in the lovingly ripped off musical, SPAMalot.

"Secondly," the history buff resumed the conversation, ignoring the eye roll. "Do you realize how inaccurately you portrayed a British prison?" the History Buff asked. "Well," the narrator said with a bit of hearty laugh. "Do you think I've actually been to prison?"

"You could have done research," the History buff said in a no-nonsense voice. "And lastly, homosexuality in the Dark Ages was CONDEMED . People were burned at the stake for being gay…" Lancelot looked horrified, while Herbert looked like he was going to break down and cry. "Oh come on," the narrator whined. "They're ADORABLE TOGETHER. You know, in an effeminate man meets tough macho man sorrta way. You gotta admit they make a good couple." Herbert smiled a bit, for the fact that someone supports him being with Lancelot.

"Yes, yes, they're cute," the History Buff tersely replied. "But seriously, you can't ship them in this fanfic to be accurate of the time period.

"Says who?" Shot back the Narrator.

"Says the countless books, history specials, internet sites, and museums I've researched for Medieval Times. " She then held up a leather bound book that has "The Middle Ages" stamped in golden ink on the cover and on the spine. "Well you know what I say to your research…" hissed the narrator as she snatched the book from the History Buff's hand and threw it to the ground, stamping her foot on it with extra emphasis. "You know, if I get fined from the library, it's coming out of your wallet," the History buffed was simply disgusted that someone would do such a horrible thing to a book.

"Well I don`t care!" The narrator laughs. "I`m going to ship this couple in this fanfiction and there shall be much rejoicing in the SPAMalot fandom world…"A chorus of 'Yay!'S follows from what seemed out of nowhere "And I say to you, goes take a hike."

"Fine!" the History Buff cries, throwing up her hands to signal she surrenders. She grabbed the book from the dirty, dusty ground, storming back out of room, and slams the door with a tempered BANG!

The extremely relieved narrator sighed heavily, turned to Lancelot and Herbert and smiled "Now that we got her off our backs, the fanfic can continue."

"What the hell was that?" King Arthur asked, bemused like everyone else who wasn't involved. "And what was that talk about you being gay?"

"Uhh, well, you see sire," Lancelot began to stuttered as music began to swell and the frail young prince began to sing "Lancelot, you might as well just fess up! Really, you're a different kind of guuyyyy…."Lancelot placed a finger over Herbert's lips. "As much as I like your singing, I think I better tell them this with regular words, Herbert." The prince nodded approvingly, recalling his own coming-out moment.

There was much tension as the knight cleared his throat and prepared himself for saying the three words that would un-burden his life, at least for the moment. "Yes, I'm gay."  
>King Arthur was frozen, as was Sir Bedevere and Patsy. The room was filled with awkward silence that seemed never ending. No one was willing to add a comment, and time stood still. "So," Lancelot began, unfreezing the conversation. "You're going to have me and Herbert burned are you?"<p>

"No," the King said and both Lancelot and Herbert rejoiced inside. "And I'm not going to relieve you of your knight duties either, Lancelot. Just because my bravest knight may be attracted to other men, it's not worth me firing him."

"Oh, thank God," Lancelot sighed before the King added, "But if you try to hit on me, it's your ass."


	3. Chapter 2

**Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Unnecessary Sequel  
>A Holy GrailSPAMalot/Arthurian Ledged fanfic thingy written by TheBlueFairy1940  
>ComedyRomance  
>Rated PG-13 for comedic violence, slight language, homosexuality, and Galahad<strong>

**(Author`s note: What has it been guys, thirty-freakin-years? Ahaha, I had this written a LONG time ago and never got around to posting because of my novel… Hope you can forgive me.)**

**Chapter Two**

The Knights were free as the wind as they practically raced off out of the prison and where Camelot-bound. Concorde and Sir Bedivere's pages where also released from prison, and soon they where clomping their coconuts and galloping off in the distance with the knights. Herbert was riding-piggy back on Sir Lancelot, hugging his neck for security.

"Oh tis a shame that Sir Robin and Sir Galahad hadn`t made it out alive," Sir Bedevere said as they headed through the wood. "May the rest in peace…"

"We`re not yet dead!"

Everyone turned where the stood to see a very fifthly and very exhausted looking Sir Robin and Galahad. "ROBIN! GALHAD!" King Arthur cried as he dismounted his horse while Lancelot and Bedevere followed such action. Herbert looked very lost. "You survived the Gorge of Eternal Peril!"

"We did," Sir Galahad said tiredly. " And a very deceiving name might I add. More like the Gorge of Eternal Muck."

"But how did you so?" Bedevere asked as he pulled up his helmet for conversation. "Well when you are in a fanfiction and happen to be the author`s favorite knight and in Galahad`s case _least_ favorite knight who she wants to torture, you get saved," Sir Robin replied coolly.

"We`re glad to have you two back!" King Arthur said, smiling growing broadly. " We shall ride to Camelot for a few days of rest and then we`ll start back the quest for the Grail."

Galahad nodded, but for the first time noticed Herbert. "Who`s the girl?" Lancelot laughed meekly, almost nervously , as he felt pressured. "I`m not a girl, but I am Lancelot`s boyfriend!" Herbert giggled, wrapping his arms lovingly around his love`s waist. "Let`s not jump to conclusions," the knight said aloud, but the prince ignored it and never let go of Lancelot.

"_B-boyfriend?"_ Galahad gasped. " He is your boyfriend?"

"I am," Herbert repeated.

"So you`re… "Galahad stuttered. "Gay?"Lancelot wished dearly that he was somewhere else, or perhaps invisible. " The truth is, Galahad, I am."

And the knight`s reaction to this was something that nobody expected. Galahad_ laughed._ And he laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. . .

"_GET ON WITH IT!" _ A thunderous voice from above called.

Okay, point is that Galahad nearly wet himself in laughter. He laughed so hard that he threw himself on to the forest floor and giggled until his sides ached. "What`s so funny about that?" A flushed Herbert asked. "It just…it`s just…" Galahad managed through burst of laughter and pain. " I was right all along! You ARE gay! Ha! I was right! I knew it! Only a gay man would save me from those women…"

"It was too perilous for you," Sir Lancelot hissed his eyes deepened with coldness and hatred for the knight`s reaction. "I could have handled it," Galahad replied coolly, pulling himself up from the ground. Lancelot rolled his eyes, " I doubt it."

Only a short montage away, the knights found themselves at a foot hill, with Camelot`s castle (that Patsy still insisted was only a model) looming above them. But it was different than the last time. The castle seemed to gleam and glow with colored lights, nearly blinding the knights when the saw it. Laughter, singing, and music was to be heard, where it was usually silent during such hour when they had made their stay to Camelot before being on the quest for the grail. A sigh, beaming like a star, had "Welcome to FABLOUS Camelot!" scribed in bright red letters.

King Arthur and his knights gapped at the sheer sight of the maleficent palace. Herbert was the only one who was in awe, for he had not seen Camelot beforehand. "What happened?" Patsy cried. "Good Lord!" King Arthur breathed, "My kingdom has been commercialized!"

"I WANT TO MET THE PERSON RESPONSIBALE FOR THIS," the King seethed as he rushed through Camelot`s halls, the loyal knights following his footsteps. Arthur didn`t seem happy in the slightest that his kingdom had been blown out of proportion in the while he was gone. Dozens of new buildings had been set in place, all without his permission to do so. Everything was over lavishly done; that it was practically tacky, if that was possible in the Dark Ages. " Who turned my kingdom into Los Vegas?"

However somewhere in the distance they could hear a swell of music. "Oh not again" everyone groaned (except for Herbert) just as the lightened faded to black, leaving them all in darkness. A spotlight emerged and nearly blinded King Arthur and the rest. Following perfectly to the musical cue, kick line of scantily clad women came bursting through the door singing "CAMELOOOOOOOT! THE TOWN THAT NEVER SLEEPS! IT`S CAMELOT!"They parted to the side, and once again the doors swung open tor a good 30-some knights, dressed in abbreviated and for more glittered versions of their armor. A good twelve of them jumped onto the table as the song kicked in.

"_We're Knights of the Round Table,  
>We dance when ere we're able,<br>we do routines and chorus scenes  
>with footwork impeccable.<br>We dine well here in Camelot,  
>We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.<em>"

All the while, King Arthur and his knights looked absolutely bored, for they had seen the entire thing before. On the contrast, Herbert looked like he was either going to have a spazz attack or swoon. People where actually allowed to SING here! Any place where he could burst into a tune was heaven on Earth for him.

As the performers sang , they danced around in perfectly practiced kick lines and formations. However, they were far too into it to realize that they where destroying the great hall. Their elaborate kicks and routines sent dishes flying. The hay flooring skidded over the place, while a few trampled over a wandering cat that screamed sharply.

"_We're Knights of the Round Table,  
>Our shows are formidable, But many times, we're given rhymes<br>That are quite unsingable.  
>We're Opera mad in Camelot,<br>We sing from the diaphragm looooooot.  
>In war we're tough and able,<br>Quite indefatigable;  
>Between our quests we sequin vests,<br>And impersonate Clark Gable.  
>It's a busy life in Camelot…"<em>

The spot light fell onto one single knight, who was standing in-between the chorus. He pushed forward and sang in bear tone:

"_I have to push the pram a looooooooot."_

The musical came to a conclusion and the knights struck a pose, anxiously waiting for applause. Herbert was clapping his hands off, while the others didn`t even bother to give even the slightest showing that they enjoyed the performance. "That was wonderful!" Herbert cheered, as the lights turned back on and the showgirls and knights departed the hall. "What a great way to welcome you back to Camelot!"

"Oh sure," King Arthur growled, looking around the room. "Nothing says "Welcome Home" like an utterly-destroyed Great Hall."

"It was silly before," Galahad said in agreement. "Now it`s just manufactured silliness." Herbert shrugged, but the lad was still beaming. This whole place seemed so fantastic, far greater than his castle in a swamp. Here, there wouldn`t be the constant fear of any building sinking into the mud.

"My liege!" Someone called right from the doorway. "Just the person I was looking for!" The person stepped into the light, showing that he was a very beefy looking man with a bright smile and equally matching clothes. "Have thou not seen what wonder I hath done for Camelot?"

"Wonder?" Arthur drew back a breath. "Are you kidding? You`ve turned my kingdom into Las Vegas – a city that won`t be founded for another 980 years! How could that POSSIABLY help Camelot?"

The man`s charming grin grew. "Well you see, my liege, it`s all economics. You see if you take gamboling, drinking, partying, sex- all the things frowned upon in this day and age that people still want, and basically bottle it up and sell it, your economy booms. So everyone gets to enjoy themselves, and you get a more prosperous, higher earning kingdom."

"So. . ." Sir Bedevere mused something after a moment of thought on the conversation. "Everyone wins?"

"Everyone wins," the man assured him, his overly charming smile still shining. Arthur couldn`t help but throw up his arm as he done in a previous chapter and shout "HUZZAH!" However, he was only happy about the whole more money thing. Not that his kingdom only had that because of corrupted ways.

"Now," the building chief resumed conversation after the king rejoiced. "The new cabaret theatre, Excalibur, has a new show tomorrow evening. Opening night too. You have tickets, at expense of the theatre, to the best seats in the house. I`ll be present as well. Wouldn`t miss it. And there shall be. . . "He waved a thick eyebrow suggestively. " The ever lovely, Lady of the Lake. Goodnight, gentlemen. . . ." The man's eyes fell onto Herbert and he gave a deep bow. "My lady."

"Why does everyone think I`m a woman"?" Herbert spoke as soon as the man departed. Lancelot looked around and sweating a bit, feeling quite awkward for the only reason he knew of Herbert was because he thought he was a damsel. No one responded though, for Sir Bedevere imposed another question. "The Lady of the Lake? Isn`t she dead, my liege?"

"Well obviously, her head was cut right off by Balyn," Arthur responded. However, the other knights and Herbert looked completely lost. "Before your time," he told them. They nodded understandingly, knowing that a lot of people "That was even long before I even started enlisting knights. In fact, Sir Bedevere, how did you know of the Lady of the Lake?"

The older knight gave something between a head jerk and a shrug. "I read the book." All knew that Bedevere was an avid reader, so there was not much regard of this. " Oh well, it`s musical theatre," Robin smile was undeniable under his long fire red orange moustache.

The next day, King Arthur, the architect, and most of the knights. The only people missing were Sir Lancelot and Herbert. They all questions what the reason for the hold-up was, but all of them where sure it was Herbert-related. After knowing him for a little less than twenty-four hours, they seemed to know what to expect from Sir Lancelot`s lover.

They had all dressed up for the occasion with practically pristine tunics. It was after all, a grand opening of a show and desired such primping. Besides, it was also the first time in so long they had been seen back in Camelot. Though, not every knight seemed happy about this showing.

"Ugh!" Galahad groaned, leaning up against the stone wall by Patsy, who was ."Musical theatre is boring! I`d much rather do something productive with my time. . ."

"Like flirting with women?" Sir Robin asked, knowing how his friend liked company with the opposite sex so much so that it was scary."EXACTLY!""

"Sorry we`re late!" Herbert cried from above, dashing down the stairs with Lancelot in tow. "I just needed a few minutes to get ready." Having Herbert around was almost like being with a woman, for he seemed to take forever doing things.

"That`s quite alright." Arthur seem hospitable to the prince. Perhaps because he really didn`t want to see the show that much , as well as Galahad. " Shall we depart, men?"

They exited the castle from its strong hold gates on horseback, and headed down by the lake, where the rest of the kingdom was set. Every other building was ether a casino, a tavern, or a small white wedding chapel. Camelot now seemed like a bee-hive, with people and their noise swarming in all directions.

Finally, having to fight their way through a couple of crowds, they had managed to find Excalibur Night Club. It almost resembled Camelot castle, on a much smaller scale. Excalibur was built of heavy grey stones, decorated with delicate designs carved in. Large, blowing banners blew in the early evening wind. They framed the ornate red-neon glowing sign reading Excalibur. One was right over the door was decorated with the words _Camelot Cabaret: A New Show. Opening the 4__th__ day of April, 935. _ Already, a monstrous line was forming outside the doors.

But being king and all, Arthur and the rest had managed to move to the front of the line and they where are inside in just a few minutes. Oh it was good to be king.

They had been lead from the splendid grand entrance into the great hall of the theatre. There, the floor was scattered with small-round tables that only sat two people. A long runway like platform jetted out into the sea of tables. The sides of the stage, as was the curtains in front of it, were draped in shimmery like red fabric that glistened in the candle-light room.

"Your seats are here," the usher motioned to a few tables set upon a small platform and draped in the back by luscious fabric. These tables where much bigger and expensive looking than the simple wooden ones below them. The three tables where draped in rich table-cloths, with decorative candles sitting in the middle of them.

"How romantic, " Herbert breathed as he snuggled close to Lancelot`s chest while the sat down at the table to the far right. Galahad and Robin took seats at the far right table. Arthur would be sitting with Bedivere. However the knight had gone missing.

"Where on earth would Sir Bedivere be?" Arthur said aloud, scanning the large crowd before him for the knight. "Wasn`t he right behind us, sire?" Sir Robin asked the king, just as the M.I.A. knight appeared with a large platter piled with all sorts of foods. "My liege!" Bedivere cried , while rushing up the stairs. "Did you happen to see the size of the All-You-Can-Eat buffet?"

Lancelot gave a smirk, and Arthur was going to say that could have waited, just as a perky-looking waitress appeared in an extremely low-cut uniform. "What could I get you to drink, sir?" She asked while using what little of a skirt she had to bow deeply to Arthur.

The king ordered a large mug of mead, as did almost every night. Except for Lancelot. He opted for a Pink Margarita, as did Herbert. The lad was sipping on it daintily just as the orchestra was quad up and the immense chatter from below the silenced.

"TOOOOONNNIIIGGGHTTTTT," a voice boomed from what seemed like nowhere. "Excalibur proudly presents their newest show- Camelot Cabaret!"

And just like that the curtains parted and a largely decorated set appeared before their eyes. A small little play was performed, and to be honest it was actually quite over-blown. But Sir Robins seemed to soak up every second of it, for his eyes where glued on the stage. That was a sharp contrast to Galahad , who looked bored out of his mind. And there were several more acts. The one father the theatre was singing. The one after was comedy that only a drunkard would find humorous, another was singing, a fourth was an over-blow dance-number, and the last was MORE SINGING.

"God," Galahad said after swinging down his third mug of beer. "Is singing ALL we do in Camelot?"

When the curtains closed, however, Galahad did find something to look forward to. Sexful music filled the air and a single leg clad in fishnet tights sneaked through the glittery curtain before them and kicked once. That leg belongs to a woman, who thrashed open the curtains with her hips.

Galahad gasped.

Just like that, four additional women joined her on the front of the stage. Each were barely clothed with varying colored sparkling leotards, high stiletto heels, and matching feather headdresses and extremely beautiful.

In accompaniment to the music, they made their way to the audience, tempting the men of the crowd with flirtatious movements . Almost every man in the room was drooling buck-worth at just oggoling them. One, dressed in red, made her way up onto the knight`s platform. She circled her way around the , and she noticed Galahad`s awed expression the most. Using her long feather bow, she draped it around the knight`s neck and shimmed closer to him. They where a lip`s distance away, but all she did was give a wink to him, giggling at the back of her throat. She slowly pulled away and headed towards other men to tempt.

"Whoa," Galahad breathed , watching her every move. The girls had made their way back onto the stage, and walked back through the stage right side of the curtain. Immense clapping followed, particularly by Galahad who whistled violently.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present the woman who you`ve all paid a lot more than regularly priced shows to see," the emcee announced and the room instantly silenced. "The Lady of the Lake!" The clapping that followed was thunderous

The curtain parted once more to revel that there was an extremely quick set change and that there was now a golden paved stairway that was illumined by candles. A woman appeared on the top, a beam spread across her face.

From the moment The Lady of the lake emerged on the stairs, anyone could see she was simply amazing. Long, loose curls draped down from the top of her head to well past her waist. Her deep brown eyes flashed against her caramel-colored skin. She was extremely voluptuous and the dress she wore only made that more apparent.

And that dress. It seemed perfect for her stage name. She was a vision in aquamarine silk that floated over her, like a watery surface. It glittered and sparkled like starlight off of the surface of a lagoon at nightfall. There was green dealing around her chest area, where two large shells had been used as a covering. For a final touch, long, flowing pieces of the same water-like material were attached from the skirt of her dress to her wrists , and they followed her movements with grace.

King Arthur moved his eyes from The Lady of the Lake to the archerfish, who had a cheeky grin and suggestively raised another eyebrow as if to say" Whadda tell ya?" However, not that anyone truly noticed, Sir Lancelot`s jaw dropped practically to the floor. And for once, the fear-less knight of the round table wanted to go find somewhere safe and hide.

"Thank you! Thank you so much," The Lady of the Lake called from the top of the stairs, trying to dull down the clapping. At that moment she began to sing and as though cast by a spell, everyone shut up.

" _Once in every show, there comes a song like this,_

_It starts off soft and low and ends up with a kiss_

_Oh where is the song that goes like this? Goes like thissss!"_

Like the show-girls s The Lady of the Lake seemed very willing to make her way into the audience. All eye followed her. Men were enchanted by her beauty and her some-what hypnotic singing. Women scowled and slunk in their seats with jealously.

She seemed to soak up the spotlight with a radiant glow of confidence about her. It seemed like she was a natural at performing. And at finding a way into men`s hearts –including Arthur`s. For while she began the next verse of the song, she made her way onto their platform and right in-front of Arthur`s table.

" _A sentimental song that castes a magic spell _

_They will hum along, we`ll all over act like hell _

_Cuz this is the song that goes_

_Oh this is the song._

_Ohhh this is the song that goes likkkeee thisss…"_

She made eye contact with Arthur while hitting the high note. He was captivated and clung onto every note of that siren `s entrancing voice. But sadly, all things had to end, and the orchestra`s accompaniment music was winding down for the song`s ending. She began to walk back to the stage, but found herself turn and give a small smile to Arthur.

The showed ended after her, for she was the grand finale. The clapping was deafening. The Knights found themselves jumping up in their seats and clapping violently as well. But after what seem forever stopped. Just as it had been entering the theatre, exiting it was like being stuck in a herd of cattle so the knights sat relaxing in the chairs.

"That was lovely," Herbert sighed quietly, leaning tiredly against Lancelot`s chest. "I thought the Lady of the Lake was wonderful, didn`t you?"

Lancelot nodded a bit, but he was obviously clammed up for the night. " I can say it`s safe to say, "Galahad began , rising from his chair. "It no longer sucks in Camelot!" No-one commented on what the knight had said, for they all noticed that Arthur was still in a trance.

"Sire," Sir Robin began knowing exactly why the king was in such state. "If you like her that much, you might as well go back-stage and speak with her."

"Wait! I have a better idea! Perhaps we all should go back-stage and so that I may make an aquatinted with the Lady of the Lake!" Arthur said, eyes twinkling like stars as he jumped out of his set like he had a "Eureka" moment.

"… That was my idea," Robin said quietly, but was then shushed by Sir Galahad.

"Perhaps I should give her flowers," he mused to no-one in particular. "I mean it is pleasant for one to receive flowers when one is performing, for encouragement perhaps."

"That is a splendid thought, Arthur," Herbert complimented. "Perhaps, if you mean encouragement, Black-eyed Susans will do. But if you want something more, I suggest Pansies or Lilacs for love. If you really passionate about her, red roses are the best you can do. Personally, though, I wouldn`t go with that. After all, you just met the woman…"

"How do you know so much about flowers?" Bedivere asked, an eyebrow rose skeptically. "I helped the florist do my wedding," Herbert admitted shyly. "It was the only thing I was willing to actually do for the wedding because I found it so interesting."

Luckily there was an older woman standing the entrance of the theatre selling flowers, so Arthur decided on Lilanics to bestow to the Lady of the Lake. Being king and all, Arthur had no problem getting access to behind the stages to the dressing rooms.

The Lady of the Lake reached for the straw brush that lay on the other side of the vanity besides countless beauty product and spare hair pins lying around. This was usually the most relaxed period of show time. When she would take her grand old time undressing and going home, she felt calm. It was kind of like mediation, whatever that was.

She started brushing through her ebony locks, twisting each curl delicately, when she heard a knock at the door.

"Mhm?" She tiredly muttered. By this late into the night she was always worn to the bone and her waiting bed at home seemed so promising. " Who is it?"

"It is Arthur, King of the Britions," The thick voice from behind the door answered. "And I request to see the lovely Lady of the Lake."

"Holy cow." The Lady of the Lake froze. The KING was at her door. Asking to see HER! And he called her lovely! She nearly had a heart attack as she sprinted to the door, knocking over the vanity's tuffet where she was seated.

She cursed herself for being such a spazz, picked up the tumbled chair, re-tied the sash of her ruby-red-dressing robe , and opened the door. "Hello," She greeted, a blush creeping across her face. There before her was not just one man, but three, and (at least she thought) a woman. Now, she was deeply embarrassed. The King and two other men had to view her in her underclothes practically.

"Good night to you, The Lady of the Lake." Arthur greeted, as he took her hand and kissed it. The woman blushed violently. "You don`t have to call me that, you know. It`s just a stage name. My real name is Guinevere."

Arthur then thrusted the flowers to her. "Well then Guinevere, these are for. You`re were splendid tonight."

"Oh thanks, sire! " The Lady of the Lake gushed, craftily taking the flowers and sniffing them. "Oh these are lovely! "

"We picked them up from the florist out front. It was lucky enough she had Lilacs. But I guess when you are in a fanfiction things go your way most of the time," the person who Lady was pretty sure was a woman explained. But something caught "her" eye. "What magnificent curtains!" She squealed seeing the piece of fabric that hung loosely around the dressing room`s window. The person grabbed the side and closely examined the fabric.

"I know," The Lady of the Lake nodded in agreement. "Where did you happen to find them?" The person asked, beaming. "Oh well I picked them up at a festival. They were made in some abbey, I believe. St. Maria? St. Cecilia's? I don`t know, but if I ever find where they are made I`ll give it to you."

King Arthur cleared his throat, but he was not successful at trying to break-up the conversation.

"Wonderful! My boyfriend and I need some new curtains for our chamber. You wouldn`t believe how GHASTLY it is."

"Oh?" The Lady of the Lake asked. "Who`s your boyfriend?"

"His name`s Sir Lancelot," The person answered dreamily. "

_Lancelot_.

_Back then he was just known as Lance Cockburn, the young man who worked the fields. He was everything a woman would want in a husband. He was big and strong and hot. _

_He was everything to break Guinevere`s heart._

_Oh how she recalled the way he tenderly kissed her. How she could taste the wine of the party faintly on his lips. How he managed his thick, strong, hands through her long curls in deep ,fiery passion. _

_But she also remembered how he seemed so serious about their relationship, but the next day he vanished. He disappeared for her life for several years._

_Until now._

"Will you warn me before we go into an angst flashback?" The Lady of the Lake hissed to the narrator who seemed like she was enjoying Guinevere`s past love. "Whatever floats your boat," the narrator shrugs and the story continued.

"Anyway," Arthur said, clearly trying to be the center of attention to the Lady of the Lake. "I want you to know that I really enjoyed your performance…," It seemed like he had more to say, but due to his lack of experience with women, and how to woe them, he stopped trying hard to think of what to say.

However, after come up with (if he should say so himself) a stupendous line to say, Sir Robin interrupted. "Sire," he said to King Arthur pulling forward from behind Sir Bedivere. "We`ve lost Galahad. But I think I know where he is."

Arthur sighed heavily. "Go find him," he commanded. Mumbling under his breath "God, all of my knights go missing and we`ve barely reached chapter three." Taking Guinevere`s right hand, he kissed it tenderly before saying "Until we met again, my fair maiden."

And with that, Herbert, Bedivere, and Arthur left.

But Lancelot did.

"Hi Lance," Guinevere said, a violent blush across her face. She knew this was going to be awkward. "It… it`s been a while."

"Four years," Lance interjected, looking around the room and refusing to make contact with the female.

"Four years," Guinevere echoed. "So…. Herbert seems sweet."

"Oh he is," Lancelot said. " Maybe a little too sweet, but he`s a pleasure to have."

"Well that`s always good to have with the one you love. So when did you…"

"Come out? About three years ago actually. Herbert is the reason I came out, he kinda of… saw through me if you will. I haven't seen him in years, so we decided to give our relationship a new shot."

"Hmm," Guinevere nodded approvingly. "I wish you will be happy."

"Same for you."

"Well it was nice talking to you Lance."

"Likewise."

"Galahad!" Robin cried , digging through the crowd of people still gabbing away in the lobby of Excalibur theatre. Where he though the other knight was, proved wrong. That is, he wasn`t trying to pick the lock of the door of the Show-girls dressing room. If he wasn`t there he could be anywhere!

"Sir Galahad!" Robin repeated, pushing aside a tipsy looking couple. He looked down, and that is where he found the knight. In his hand the younger knight had a few coins, but the other hand was on a woman`s long draping skirt and he was trying to peer up it. She must have been drunk or completely stupid not to notice a man wanted to look up her dress,

"DENNIS GALAHAD!"

The lad dropped the fabric at once and shifted his glance from the woman to Sir Robin. "Good Lord!" Sir Robin seethed. " My thirteen year old nephew does that sort of thing! You are twenty-seven, grow up!"

Galahad pulled himself from the floor, a scow across his face. He muttered curses under his breath. "Sir Robin!" A voice called from the crowd, and it belonged to Sir Bedivere . It was Arthur with the rest of the gang. "Splendid. You found Sir Galahad. Should we depart, my liege?"

"Yes, let`s," Arthur said, though now his thoughts where now on Guinevere and wanting to see another show.


	4. Chapter 5

**Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Unnecessary Sequel  
>A Holy GrailSPAMalot/Arthurian Ledged fanfic thingy written by TheBlueFairy1940  
>ComedyRomance  
>Rated PG-13 for comedic violence, slight language, homosexuality, and Galahad.<strong>

**Chapter Five**

"Three m`am!"

The narrator turned and looked at Patsy in question. "What did you say?"

"It`s Chapter Three," he told her, pointing to the top of the chapter. "If you go straight to Chapter Five, people will get confused."

The narrator looked at the sign and sighed. "Better go work on Chapters Three and Four then…"

- - The idiot responsible for this chapter has been sacked.


End file.
